Month 2 Results

I began my diet on September 20.

It has been less than two months and I am down 20 pounds.

Yay!!!

The second month was not as successful as the first.

A lot of factors played into that.

First, I wasn't as focused.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do when the food ran out.

I didn't know if I was full-on dieting, or starting to wean myself off of the food.

I fell into a trap of doing a messy combination of the two.

I am pretty sure that is a huge factor in my slowed weight loss.

Also, I started allowing myself a lot more indulgences.

I ate the food served at a birthday party, a relief society activity, a baby blessing and more.

I was just more relaxed in my approach.

Finally, I didn't monitor things as closely.

For the first few days I was frustrated with not losing as fast as I wanted.

I decided to stop obsessing and just let the weight come off in it's own time.

But I think I would have been better off to continue tracking things more frequently.

On Sunday night I ordered food for a third month.

I also started exercising this week.

I think I've lost more than two pounds just since then.

(five days)

I am recommitted to doing this diet exactly.

(Although I think I'm giving myself Thanksgiving day to be a normal non-dieting person.)

I don't know what will happen after the food from month 3 runs out.

But I just can't worry about that right now.

For now I am enjoying seeing the numbers continue to melt away.

Even with 20 lbs down, my goal is still to lose 42 more so there is still a long road ahead.

I'd like to get through the holiday season keeping things pretty strict.

I want to develop some long-term lifestyle changes.

I expect my weight loss will slow at that point, but it will be better in the long run.

I'm hoping to get to my half way point before I make the switch off Medifast, though.

That means my goal is to lose 11 more lbs before I wean off of Medifast.

Wish me luck!

:)

Month 1 Results

1 Month = 13 Pounds Lost!

I was hoping for 16 pounds for the month because that was my goal to get out of obesity.  But I have been consistent with my weight loss, and expect that I will achieve that goal next week, so I'm not too disappointed about it at this point.  The diet has just become routine and easy to manage.  I still haven't been great about incorporating exercise into it, though.  One day I did a 20 minute mile on the treadmill and another day I did about ten minutes.  Certainly nothing to brag about.  But I guess it was more than I had done the previous week, so we can call it improvement.  I'm really hoping that I can find a good way to come off of this diet and continue losing 1-2 pounds per week.  It will take so much longer that way, but also (hopefully) be so much cheaper.  In the mean time, I have enough food to last at least four more weeks even if I don't start transitioning off of it at all.  Another twelve pounds will put me right about the weight I was when I was nursing Peter and in Arizona.  I'm pretty sure that it the lightest I've been post-baby.  In fact, it's pretty close to what I weighed when we got married.  Unfortunately, when I weighed that much post-baby I felt like I needed to lose another 30 pounds.  When I weighed that much getting married I felt like I needed to lose 40 pounds.  My goal weight is actually a compromise between those two sizes.  I am shooting for about 35 pounds lighter than my marriage weight or about 15 pounds lighter than I was when I left on my mission.  When I left on my mission I had just put on about 20 pounds from the smallest size I had ever been as an adult (or adolescent for that matter).  Anyway, the point is that I still have a long way to go  - and into numbers that I haven't seen in more than a decade.  If only I were rich enough to stay on this diet - I know I could get there.  But I'll have to buck up and do it the hard way.

One thing I haven't really talked about was why now.  My weight has been something I've been trying to address for several years.  I've been better at addressing the exercise side of it than the food side of it.  (Ironic since I am currently doing the opposite - I really need to do BOTH.)  But at this point I am gaining education with the goal of helping people live healthier lives on a psychological level.  Part of that is teaching people to find balance in their lives and to accomplish goals and live authentic to the people they want to be. Being obese or even overweight is not authentic to who I want to be.  I feel like a hypocrite if I am trying to teach people how to improve their lives if I cannot take the responsibility to improve the things in my life that need to be addressed.  Anyway, that is the main reason I feel so driven to just dig in and do this thing without excuses at this point.  I feel like I am going through a transformation right now of trying to be a certain person, and part of who I envision that person to be is someone living life at a healthy, maintained weight.

Week 3 Results

3 LBS

After three weeks I have hit the ten pound mark!  Yay!!!  I could seriously keep on this diet pretty much as long as I needed to in terms of not cheating.  I miss foods at different times, but I'm never hungry or tempted to binge eat.  Sadly, I have decided that I just can't afford it, so I have five weeks of food left and then I am done.  Hopefully I'll continue to have some good loss between now and the time I run out of "diet food".

This week my weight did the same thing as it did the week before - it kind of plateaued for several days, but then I saw the drop at the end.  The nice thing was I really starting to FEEL different in terms of my size.  I have always heard that YOU start noticing your weight loss at around ten pounds and that other people start seeing it at twenty.  I can say that ten pounds, though likely not that noticeable to anyone besides myself and my husband, felt great!  I just woke up yesterday morning FEELING skinnier.  It was awesome. 

Because this diet has such a severe cut in calories, it is recommended that you don't exercise for the first two weeks as your body adjusts.  I am now finished with the third week, and I have yet to incorporate exercise into it.  Especially knowing that I am going to have to quite this diet earlier than I had hoped, I really need to get on that exercise piece both to make the most of my potential loss and to redevelop good habits.  I used to walk three miles a day pretty much five days a week on a regular basis.  But I think it's been more than a year since that's been part of my regular routine.  Time to bring it back!

Week 2 Results

3 lbs

I was hoping for a solid 4 lbs of weight loss this week  Last week I lost 3.8 lbs but my weight loss ticker had rounded it up as 4, so I went with it.  This week my weight loss ticker is at 7 lbs, which means if last week I counted 4 I can only count 3 for this week.  The reality is that this week was 3.6.  I'm actually kind of impressed with the consistency of the two weeks.  I am 8.4 lbs from my first goal which means I'm not on target to hit it in the 4 weeks that I was hoping for.  But I am starting to care less.  The weight is coming off, and at the moment, that is enough for me.  And who knows, maybe I'll be able to add in some exercise that would put me over the top and still allow me to reach that goal.

The second week started out kind of discouraging.  My weight just seemed to hover and stay pretty much the same for about five days (the end of last week and the beginning of this one).  My dad kept telling me that his weight did the same thing and that I was "due for a drop".  I kept with the diet despite not getting the motivating results I wanted.  And then the drop came.

This week I am also using  a George Forman grill to cook up my own chicken.  This is making it easier for me to have my "lean and green" meal at a better time of day rather than relying on Andrew to come grill up some food when he gets home from work at 8:30 at night.

I am getting less consumed with waiting for my next meal.  In fact there have been several times this week where I completely missed my eating time and had to hurry and grab some food.  I also realized that the diet allows me to eat every 2-3 hours.  Originally I was going every 3 hours on the dot and that made for a really LONG day.  I would eat my first meal at 7:30 in the morning and then need to stay up until 10:30 to finish the last one.  I have shortened it so that those last few meals come closer together and as a result I have been getting to bed earlier.  I like it.

This weekend I will be ordering another months worth of food.  The financial aspect of this still concerns me.  I feel like I am robbing my children of their Christmas because, seriously, I pretty much am.  Things are going to be meager in that way.  But Andrew is very supportive of this choice and as much as I feel like I am being selfish, I really hope that my children also appreciate having a more fit and healthy mom.  It might make Christmas a little less magical, but hopefully it will help me be a better mom to them overall.  Although I optimistic that I will be able to maintain the weight loss once I get there, I don't think I would be able to lose weight in a less extreme way.  I feel like I am still resetting my relationship with food and if I tried to just go back to a moderation and calorie counting approach, I think I would still find myself struggling and going back between starvation and eating the wrong calories/not getting the right nutrition.  At this point I am planning on four months of weight loss time on this program and then we'll see how the transition and maintenance phases go.  As those four months wind down, I think I will start switching out Medifast "meals" for regular food and see if I can establish "real food" substitutions that will work in my life.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.  Right now I am 14 days in and 7 lbs down.  I'm pretty happy about that!  

Week 1 Results

4 LBS

The bulk of the weight loss I experienced this week happened right at the beginning of the week.  And I started my week counting a night time weigh in before my diet started.  To make my number more realistic, I went ahead and used the number from the morning of Day 2.  Even with that adjustment, the bulk of this weight was lost in the first three days.  I have been at the same number for a couple of days now.  It's kind of discouraging.  But the fact that I legitimately lost four pounds this week is awesome!

The past several days have been frustrating for two reasons.  One, I haven't seen any real loss.  Two, I am still in my ten pound range that I've been playing with for the past two years, so I don't really feel like I've made any progress whatsoever, yet.  I am about three pounds away from the point where I will start feeling like I am seeing numbers that haven't been on my scale for years.  That will hopefully feel good.

I am finding that losing weight is a mental battle.  Sometimes awesome weight loss is discouraging because I realize how much I still weigh even WITH the loss.  It is a huge reality check about how high I really let my weight get.  But I guess that is just all the more reason to stick with it.

This week I wasn't even tempted by a snicker's bar that a series of unfortunate events caused me to purchase.  It is still in my back pack. I made cookies with my kids, and didn't eat one.  (I did taste a small nibble of one, though, and I am not sure they turned out very well, so that definitely wasn't temping!)  I also attended a scouting dinner and stuck with my own diet bar an hour after everyone else had eaten (since that was the schedule my food was on that day.)  I think I've done well in resetting my relationship with food this week.  And it is getting easier.  I think having  some more pounds fall off in the coming days will really help keep the motivation up, so I hope that happens.  I knew the weight loss would slow, but the first few days seems to have such huge variances that I was really hoping to get rid of the first 16 pounds insanely fast.  I'm still hoping that I can accomplish that goal in the first month.  Those 16 pounds is my first "goal" because it puts me into the "overweight" category instead of "obese".  I am currently 12 pounds away.  Oh well, 12 pounds away is better than last week.

And seriously, four pounds in a week is awesome if not a little scary that it is perhaps not healthy or sustainable loss.  So I should be happy.  And although there are a lot of little voices in my head trying to ruin the celebration, there is a part of me that feels quite good about what I've accomplished.

Day 4 - Why I Like My Diet

I don't think I've ever spent more than about three hours attempting a diet.  I have always tried things that were less extreme.  I'm a big believer of the "all things in moderation" concept.  But I have never been good at finding the appropriate level of moderation.  Sometimes I would be TOO strict and run the risk of boycotting my weight by not having enough calories.  On days like that, I might grant myself some unhealthy food just to meet the minimum level of calories.  Other days, I might splurge on a treat or binge at the end of the day because I had room left in my diet.  So basically, I would often be super careful and strict to the point of unhealthy, and then find an unhealthy correction to the problem.  This diet keeps me in a schedule where calories are steadily and consistently rationed out to me throughout my day.  In addition, it gives me one meal of "real food".  The portions allowed are really generous, and I get to develop my culinary skills and taste buds to familiarize myself to healthier types of meals than I would usually eat.  I don't know if this diet is for everyone, but it's a great fit for me.

Day 3 - Getting Easier

I did it!  I heard that the first three days were the hardest, and I think I believe it.  Today I wasn't nearly as hungry.  In fact, after my lean and green, I was completely stuffed!  The food is getting more palatable.  It's amazing how good things can taste after you've spent three days starving yourself...

Anyway, it's been a good day for the diet.  Andrew and I were out today and I kept wanting to stop and get stuff.  You know - the stuff I probably wouldn't have really gotten anyway, but the fact that I couldn't made it torture.  I wanted a candied apple from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.  I wanted a candy bar from the check out lane at Target.  I wanted a hot fudge sundae from McDonald's.  Don't even start to ask me about the dessert menu at Applebee's.  And then there was the pizza at my sisters house that her husband had loaded with extra toppings that looked amazing.  In fact, you should have seen me drooling over Peter's Kraft macaroni and cheese (I hate Kraft mac and cheese, by the way).  Anyway, I'm still experiencing a LOT of food triggers, but I did it and it's getting easier.  I felt good all day and was never really physically hungry - just emotionally wanting.  I have never really thought of myself as being a food addict, but watching myself go without it makes me see things a little differently.  It's been kind of fun and interesting for the budding therapist in me.

The fun thing about this diet is that I think it will help me learn to really love cooking an entirely new way.  I think I will learn more about flavoring with herbs and spices and how to cook more with vegetables and create deliciously palatable healthy things.  I figure I can start slowly by learning to cook these things on a small scale for my lean and green meal, but eventually I will feel comfortable with it and start pushing it on my family too.  Tonight at Applebee's I ordered a from their 550 calorie and under menu.  I had a steak and this delicious portabello mushroom stuffed with spinach and topped with a slight amount of parmesean cheese.    The flavors were delicious.  It tasted so rich.  And yet it was so low-calorie.  That's what I am hoping to learn how to do.  Tomorrow I want to make these great stuffed peppers that I have had before from SkinnyTaste.com  It will be yummy.   

Day 2 - Loss and Mourning

I was drinking water like crazy, so it wasn't really a huge surprise when I woke up at 5:30 in the morning to go to the bathroom.  I was immediately depressed.  My entire day was being planned around my eating schedule, and yet I wasn't going to have any real food to speak of.  I wondered if I could really do this.  Again, I reminded myself that I was committed and that I really wanted to accomplish this goal.  I had started the program with a "let's try this and see" sort of attitude.  But as I went through my first day I decided that I would stick with it at least long enough to shrink out of the "obese" category and into the "overweight" category.  (About 18 pounds.)  I reminded myself of my first goal and recommitted.  Then I went back to sleep.

In some ways, the second day was easier.  I knew what to expect with the medifast "food".  I tried to keep myself occupied between "feedings".  I continued to drink lots of water.  My meal of real food wasn't scheduled until late at night so I could eat with Andrew.  It gave me something to look forward to, but kept me with a pretty bleak eating day.

Despite the struggles, it was an exciting day.  I knew that this was going to work if I would just keep doing it.  I spent the day dreaming about the thinner me and found myself incredibly impatient.  It was like pregnancy when you just obsess over every aspect every minute.  I tried to do some reading for school, and I did.  But there was a lot more I could have done had I not still been so distracted by all of the feelings associated with dieting.  There is hunger, excitement, depression, loss, and enthusiasm.

The kids wanted a really basic, unappealing meal again, and though it would have been against my normal routine to give it to them, I took the easy way out for my second night.  And when Andrew came home he grilled up some delicious chicken that I ate with a cucumber and lettuce salad complete with a homemade salad dressing mixed with a little teriyaki sauce.  It was delicious and worth the full day wait!

In the mean time, Andrew spent this day remembering that he had opted against the diet because he felt comfortable doing his own thing, so he determined that he had better get started on doing his own thing so he could lose weight with me.  It's great to have such a supportive spouse!

Day 1 - What Was I Thinking?

I really thought I'd have this diet thing licked.  No big deal.  I had been using DoTerra's Slim and Sassy oil which I felt really did help reduce cravings and even feelings of hunger.  My dad talked about being always hungry on this diet, but he eats a lot more than I do and he wasn't using the slim and sassy.  And he had stuck with it, so it couldn't have been that bad.  I woke up excited to eat my first "food".  I had "chocolate chip pancakes".  They were N.A.S.T.Y!  Disgusting!!!!  They tasted like protein powder and it was hard to get them down.  That was the first time I started to wonder what I had gotten myself into.

But I was going to lose weight!!!  I could do it.

Three hours later, when it was time to eat again, I was hungry.  I pulled out a Lemon Meringue granola bar.  I had heard that most of the food was pretty terrible, but that the bars were what made this diet do-able.  I was excited to have branched out to a citrus sort of flavor.  I had to gag it down.  It was terrible.  By this time I was feeling pretty deflated.  And hungry!  My slim and sassy, which had been great for me in days prior, was no match for this diet.  I started to mourn the loss of all food and wondered if I would ever be able to have anything yummy ever again.

The way the diet works is that you eat five of the medifast meals and then you have one "lean and green".  For example, I am allotted six ounces of boneless skinless chicken breast and 3 cups of lettuce, so a salad is a great option.  I can have two tablespoons of dressing and a couple of other random extras during my day.  I started playing with the idea of ordering a salad from Wendy's.  I knew that my dad did a lot of restaurant salads for his lean and green and the diet was working for him.  When I looked it up, I was surprised that the salad would more than double my daily calories.  And it didn't exactly fit the diet requirements.  On the other hand, it would put my daily calorie total at 1230, so really, that was healthier.  On the other hand, if I was going to commit to medifast, then shouldn't I try it their way?

In the end, I felt that I "needed" something to get me through this first day.  I asked my grandma more about what my dad was doing for his lean and green meals, and she confirmed that he did a Wendy's salad all the time.  So I went ahead and had a nice lunch out with Grandpa.  I took the entire day of any school responsibilities and just gave myself that day to make the diet work.

I quickly realized that I was a social eater.  Every time Andrew would call home on a break, I would be triggered into wanting to make a food plan for when he got home.  At one point I even found myself daydreaming about him and me ordering a pizza to eat later that night after the kids were in bed.  (Something that we have rarely if ever done, so it was a weird thought.)

I had planned ahead and allowed the boys to have quick and easy microwaveable dinners for themselves.  They were super excited and thought it was a special treat, and I didn't have to cook for them.  That helped.

I drank tons of water, which means I was constantly in the bathroom.  Every time I went to the bathroom, I would step on the scale.  I wanted immediate results.  When I looked at the depressing number, it just reaffirmed how much I really needed this diet.

I went through some major feelings of loss, mourning the fact that I would NEVER be able to eat real food again.  I missed the idea of nachos.

By the end of the first day, my weight did seem to already be down a few ounces and it helped.  The day had been a lot harder than I expected it to be, but I had done it.  I was excited to keep going.  I had heard that my Aunt says the first three days are the hardest.  But my dad said it never got any better for him.  I decided to go with the three day theory and decided that if I could just get through the first three days, I'd be good.

I went to bed hungry, mourning the loss of food, and excited about the weight that I hoped would be falling off of me.

Diet

My dad recently went on a diet.  He has been fighting with type 2 diabetes for several years now, and he was at the point where he could no longer stave off the need for insulin.  Having daily insulin injections is something he absolutely did NOT want to do.  So, despite his love for food, he went on an extremely rigid diet.  He must have been really motivated, because he stuck with it!  And the pounds started falling off.

On the other hand, I was monitoring my weight closely, and though it kept fluctuating in a five pound range that I was able to kind of manage, it was at the very top range of any weight I'd ever been at in my life.  And it kept jumping to the top number a lot quicker than I was  happy seeing.  I suddenly realized that if I wasn't careful, I would soon outweigh my 6'3'' father.  

I just couldn't let that happen.  The diet my dad was on was something he had heard about from my Aunt.  I was interested in it when I had seen her on it, and after seeing my dad's success I became even more interested.  I started playing with the idea of going on the same diet.  It was going to be a huge financial commitment as it is one of those programs where you buy their food.  I called Andrew up and asked, "What if we just tried it out?  I can order a months worth of food and you and I could each try it for two weeks."  He wasn't thrilled and asked if we could talk about it when he got home.  My biggest concern was the money.  But I quickly realized that his hesitation was different - he just didn't want to try it.  He's always been more successful about managing his own weight on his own than I have.  So I tried again.  What if I just try it for a month?  He said that it was up to me, and if I wanted to, he would support me.

And so, for the first time in my life, I invested a couple hundred dollars into a diet program.

I was excited.

I thought, "I can do this!"

And I waited anxiously for the food to arrive so I could get started.

While waiting to start the diet, Andrew and I made one final caloric splurge on Astro Burger.  I felt gross and the scale knew what I had done.  A couple of days later we had a more acceptable binge as we split a Red Mango.  The next morning my diet began.

The diet I am on is Medifast.  I ordered it before I realized I had some concerns about it.  The biggest concern I have is that this diet reduces your calories to under 1200 a day.  Everything I have EVER heard about dieting is to never drop below that magic number because your body will go into starvation mode and start hoarding fat instead of releasing it.  But I've seen this diet work first hand, so even though it was scary and a little bit unsettling to pursue an option that seems so contrary to common advice, (and since I had already ordered the food) I decided to try it.  The way it works, you eat at regular intervals, every three hours, all day long.  I think this constant incoming of food is what prevents the body from going into that starvation mode.  Andrew's biggest concern was that I will be able to lose the weight on this program, but as soon as I go off of it, I will gain it back.  I'll admit, that's my concern too.  But there is a good transition phase and then maintenance phase that is designed to help.  I guess I'll face that challenge when I get there.